Influencing Tip: Using 2 powerful words

There's two words which I love to use because when used at the right time, the other person is compelled to follow you wherever you want to take them ... just for a while at least!

When we hear the words, Imagine that/Imagine if ... for the briefest of moments, we drop our agendas,  lower our guard and give our full attention, even if the phrase that follows is absurd and even if we don't like the person who's speaking.

Example 1)

"Imagine that for the next two weeks, you had your own Michelin-starred chef to do all the cooking for you and your family including your breakfasts, lunch and supper as well as an assistant to do all the clearing up."

Whilst for most of us, this is a most unlikely scenario, our brains will still get to work imagining the convenience, the taste of the sumptuous food and the sheer decadence of such an idea.

Example 2)

"Imagine if your website produced so many leads for you that you no longer had to make cold calls."

For those of us who still labour with making cold calls, whether or not we trust our web designer to deliver something that good, we still can't help but be lured into imagining a life without cold calls as well as a new all singing and dancing website producing effortless leads.

Given the power of Imagine if/Imagine that, it's our job as business developers or as leaders to work out:

- How to deliver the phrase naturally and as part of a flowing conversation

- What we most need our customers to imagine in order for them to buy from us, or what our team members most need to imagine in order to follow our lead

- When to use the phrase so it delivers maximum impact

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I help people to achieve more by developing their resilience, influence and productivity:

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Non-resident parenting at it's best: Tip 4 - Farewell to Fear

When people use fear to influence others, it can work ... for a bit ... but eventually, fear turns into contempt and if someone holds you in contempt, you have no chance of exerting any meaningful influence over that person. Things generally work out badly for all bullies/tyrants in the end and it's not so dissimilar with parenting.

Whatever style of parenting you delivered prior to your separation, you must ensure that if you're a non-resident parent, you exercise a parenting style which does NOT include fear in its toolbox. This means avoiding all forms of physical punishment and emotional intimidation.

There are a number of reasons why ditching the fear factor is crucial for non-resident parents

1) Given the power the resident parent has, if your children fear you as the non-resident parent and they're reserved about coming to see you, you're contact with them is in serious danger, even if a firm contact order has been agreed. 

2) Fear shuts down creative thinking and over a long period of time, it prevents your children from being the best they can be.

3) Fearful children appear respectful when they're younger but all children eventually grow up and when they get bigger, their fear will turn into contempt. It's not a question of 'if', it's just a question of 'when'. 

4) Parenting with fear = lazy parenting! 

It takes more brain power as a parent to nurture your children if you discard fear and physical punishment from your toolbox. Of course it's just so much easier in the heat of the moment to shout and intimidate or worse - but easier is often not better and in all walks of life, the lazy approach never leads to success.  

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I help people to achieve more in their lives by developing their influence, resilience and productivity. 

Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946

Email me - enquiries@impactlife.co.uk

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Non-resident parenting at its best: Tip 3 - Avoid competitive parenting

When I separated from my ex-wife, I vowed never to take part in 'post-split competitive parenting' (ie looking for opportunities to outdo the other parent by 'over-treating' your kids during contact time)

• At worst, it eventually screws up your kids. At best, they become spoilt, playing one parent off against the other.

• In the long term, non-resident parents will lose if they try to compete against the resident parent so why start a battle which you're destined to lose? 

• Kids prefer quality time over gifts and treats (quality time means putting yourself in their shoes and being focussed on them, including helping them with homework, teaching them how to wash up and enjoying the mundane things in life)

If you want your children to be happy and grow up into secure young adults and if you want to get the best out of the precious moments of time your fortnightly contact allows:

1) Focus on being a consistent, firm and positive parent who is 'present' in body and mind with their children.

2) Forget about getting one over on your ex ... even if you get revenge somehow, it's never that sweet anyway!

Thanks for reading

I help people to achieve more by developing their influence, resilience and productivity: 

Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946

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Non-resident parenting at its best: Tip 2 - Common sense dating

John has two young daughters from a previous marriage and thankfully he has regular contact with them. But he has a problem. His new partner doesn't like children ... and not just his children ... I mean any children! (this is a true story by the way with names changed for obvious reasons)

Whatever John's feelings for his partner, because of his family situation, the relationship is untenable and at best, it will be permanently fraught with difficulties, crashing agendas and plenty of heartache all round. The last time I heard from him, his partner was moving in with him and she was still complaining bitterly over the frequency with which he sees his kids. Even when his daughters grow up, what about any children they have?

So a word of advice for non-resident parents who are ready to date:

1) If your prospective partner doesn't like kids, it's a bad start, in fact, it's so bad that it's a DEAL BREAKER. Move on and find someone who does like children because you're a parent ...  which means you're not technically 'single' until your kids have grown up because they're an intrinsic part of the YOU package you offer.

2) If it's the reverse scenario and your partner is fine with children and likes your offspring, but your children don't like her/him, well that's not such bad news. Give it time ... it takes children a while to get used to someone new and sometimes the dislike is provoked by a bitter ex partner who is not ready for you to move on. 

3) Get a firm contact order in place before you become 'open' about your new relationship. 

Non-resident parents usually have more time and freedom to explore new relationships than the resident parent and in many cases, a new relationship heals some of the pain caused by no longer living with your children on a day-to-day basis. But without a firm contact order in place, new partners can spell trouble ... big trouble, for you and your contact with your children. 

However bad things were to cause the split with your ex partner (who is now the resident parent), things will get much worse as she/he struggles to adjust to a new parental figure around the children as well as a new person in your life. In some cases she/he will reduce or obstruct your contact in order to punish you ... it may sound negative but it happens ... alot. 

Get a firm contact order before you hit the dating scene - any new partner who genuinely cares about you will be patient and discreet whilst you sort out your contact order. 

Thanks for reading

I help people to achieve more by developing their influence, resilience and productivity.   

Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946

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Non-resident parenting at its best: Tip 1 - Make peace with unfair

I used to be a non-resident dad and spent years wrestling with the unfairness of my situation. 

The problem for non-resident parents in the UK is that the legal system greatly favours the resident parent, something which renders the non-resident parent utterly powerless and reliant on the good will of the resident parent, particularly if the children are young.  

Unfortunately, there are resident parents who use their children as a weapon to attack their ex-partners (the non-resident parent) by blocking contact in some cases, or constantly changing plans and creating a contact situation which is governed by the resident parent's whims and needs, rather than the needs of the children or what is reasonable.

In response to the unfairness it can be tempting to become bitter:

About your ex partner (the resident parent), something which negatively affects your emotions and long term physical health whilst also preventing you from thinking clearly when negotiating on key contact issues such as Christmas, frequency of contact or any contact at all. You'll also be tempted into 'ex partner slating' when you are with your kids and this only harms them, and their relationship with you.

About the system so you'll waste time, energy and possibly money, fighting a battle which you're destined to lose. 

About life which spoils your chances of moving on and being happy.

Thankfully there is a better way which worked wonders for me and my children when I was non-resident parent.

I focused on changing what I could actually change, whilst accepting the things I couldn't change and making peace with unfair. 

Life has always been unfair and will always be unfair. For some people it's economic unfairness or health related unfairness ... for non-resident parents it's relationship unfairness.

Make peace with it ... it's tough, but you have no choice so accept it as part of your life at the moment and when you make peace with unfair, you stop torturing yourself about the injustic you face. You also free your mind and energy to seek personal happiness whilst focusing on being the best parent you can be when you're with your children.

If, after everything, you still crave revenge ... be happy and make the most of your life - it's the best revenge you could take.  

Thanks for reading

I help people to achieve more by developing their resilience, influence and productivity: 

Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946

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Influencing Tip: Using 'some' and 'MOST'

When you want to guide someone else to say "yes" to your course of action, whether it is your child, a colleague or a business prospect, it obviously helps if you know what makes them tick, that you also understand their pains and aims and if it's a business prospect, that you have a product/service which meets what they need/want. Trust and rapport are also crucial … and there are some language tricks which you can use to your advantage.

One of my favourites is some and MOST - check out the example below to see how it works ... 

Example: 

I want my business prospect to purchase a series of short development workshops delivered over a period of time rather than a one-off, full-day workshop because I know he/she will experience better long term results with the former option. So I say ... 

Some of my clients prefer full day workshops as getting people together can be very challenging, but MOST of my clients prefer regular and concise 1-2 hour long sessions delivered over a number of weeks because they deliver better long term results and offer better value.

In this scenario, I'm still offering choice and will ultimately respect my prospect's wishes, but I'm using the word "MOST" to emphasise that the best long term option is the regular and concise 1-2 hour sessions.

As people, we generally prefer to go with what MOST people do and in business, even charismatic buyers who are open to risk, still prefer to take risks with a mass market appeal, so they're more likely to opt for what MOST people will do rather than what some people do. By putting your verbal emphasis on the word "MOST" and supporting it with valid reasons, you lead the other person to the logical and natural conclusion that they should opt for what MOST people do. 

In what situations should we avoid using this language trick? 

A) When your business prospect is clearly set on the option that some people do, a small language trick is unlikely to change this. In this scenario, it's better to find out the reasons behind your prospects' thinking and honour their wishes.

B) When the option for MOST lacks credibility, this language trick will not be enough to influence your prospect. For example, could you imagine trying to encourage your child to eat more healthily with:

Some children prefer eating chocolate ice creams, but MOST children prefer eating carrots

This statement clearly lacks credibility and as a result, it will carry no influence! 

Available now on iTunes & Amazon: The Impact Code - Unlocking Resilience, Productivity & Influence  http://goo.gl/YAynef

Thanks for reading

I help people to achieve more by developing their resilience, influence and productivity: 

Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946

Email me - enquiries@impactlife.co.uk

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Time Management Tip 6: Knowing when to quit

"Never ever give up" is a phrase I often hear from sales coaches, motivational speakers and business consultants. Clearly, it's comforting to believe that if we just keep going, things will come good in the end. But is this really the best advice for all situations?

Such mantras may ensure plenty of 'likes' on social media, but other than kicking bad habits, are there times when quitting is actually the best option? On a personal note, I can vouch for the fact that by not quitting in certain situations, I've made some of the worst decisions in my life and wasted a colossal amount of time in the process.

Consider the following hypothetical examples:

A) A destructive relationship where both or one of the partners is desperate for the other person to change, whether it's that the other person should become more loving or in love, or become less violent, or drink less, becomes less of a workaholic or more courageous. Sadly, after countless marriage guidance sessions, continual rows, break ups and make ups, the relationship is still detrimental to the well-being of one or both of the partners ... Never ever give up? I don't think so!

B) Someone who is in their late 20s and who has given up everything to pursue a career in acting but in spite of excelling at drama school, the sacrifices made, terrible personal finances, years of hope followed by gloom, not to mention a few lower end productions, he/she just can't seem to get the lucky break ... Never ever give up? I don't think so.

C) A business in free-fall who's owner clings to old ideas and methods, even though culture has moved on and the service/product is out of date and out of time ... Never ever give up? What about wake up and smell the coffee!

Of course, resilience and perseverance are crucial to success in most things, but to be at your most productive and to make the best of the opportunities that life has to offer, it's crucial that you know when to park, when to quit, when to change course and when to persevere. There's no shame in taking any of these options depending on the circumstances.

Parking: It's clear that the timing is not right for you to persevere with whatever it is you're trying to achieve. By parking it, you don't completely abandon it, but you move forward with other priorities until the timing is better.

Quitting: It's clear that what you're trying to achieve is not going to work. Learn what you can from the set-back, be grateful for the lesson and move on. This may involve 'letting go' of something which was important to you ... some people call it quitting, but I call it 'letting go' and in certain situations, it's a very powerful and productive thing to do.

Changing course: It's clear you need to alter your expectations and make certain tweaks to what you're trying to achieve - it's called resourcefulness and is a highly prized attribute, although it could be construed by some people to be quitting. Einstein was apparently ok with changing course ... "the definition of madness is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."

Perseverance: It's clear that with more effort and time, you could achieve what you want. You may need to make a few tweaks along the way but your focus remains fixed on your original goal. In some rare cases, you may decide to persevere whilst knowing you may not get what you want, but you stick at it anyway because you know it's the right thing to do ... Churchill and World War II springs to mind!

I may not get as many likes on social media for ditching the 'never ever ever give up' mantra, but I'm ok with that. My personal mantra, presumably influenced from the world of orienteering, comes in 3 connecting parts:

1) ALWAYS MOVE FORWARD WITH A FEW PLANS UP YOUR SLEEVE. 

2) CHANGE COURSE WHEN IT'S WISE TO DO SO AND AVOID GOING ROUND IN CIRCLES. 

3) KEEP YOUR EYES FORWARDS - YOU CAN LEARN FROM THE PAST BUT DON'T DWELL ON IT OR REGRET IT.


Available now on iTunes & Amazon: The Impact Code - Unlocking Resilience, Productivity & Influence http://goo.gl/tpdlIC
 
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Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946

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Get smart with your time, get CLOCKWISE

- The average manager is interrupted every 8 minutes.

- On average,  professional employees spend 80% of their working day on things which have "little value" or "no value".

- The average professional spends less than 2 minutes per day in meaningful conversation with their spouse or significant other.  

In spite of the advances in technology and the improvements in time management awareness, (i.e. most of us now know to split the bigger tasks into smaller tasks, to prioritise, goal-set and do the undesirable stuff first) the fact remains, that for most of us, effective time management is as elusive as ever.

Given the global economic climate as well as a 24/7 hour culture, the question of how to develop people so that they produce more in terms of quantity and quality, is a critical success factor for organisations who wish to thrive, but is there a resource which sheds fresh insight on how to do it?

Using 5 great principles of time management, Clockwise will improve your habits and systems so you get more things done and so you get the important things done.

1) Time Planning: Develop systems which keep you on-track with your immediate and long term tasks.

2) Prioritising: Learn how to prioritise effectively.

3) Decisiveness: Overcome the habit of procrastination and nurture a decisive mind.

4) Delegation: Understand how to delegate wisely so you can offload tasks whilst developing others.

5) Boundaries: Know how to establish, communicate and adhere to personal boundaries.

When your resources are stretched, your diary is overloaded and the pressure for results is higher than ever, you can't physically make more time, but you can get Clockwise.

Available for free download on my linked profile and website (details below)

Thanks for reading

I help businesses become more profitable by developing their people: 

Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946

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Business Development Tip: Matchmaking a most important union

I recently worked with an organisation, who's sales and marketing teams function as separate and isolated units. Whilst the company team mission statement is all about collaborative working, joint aims and the normal jargon you tend to associate with mission statements, the reality is very different. The fact is that the marketing department is deeply possessive of their work, viewing the sales team as nothing more than glorified administrative assistants, whilst the sales teams views the marketing department with contempt and suspicion.

The result?

The delivery of a marketing strategy, which is totally out of synch with the delivery of the sales strategy.

So what?

The clients they serve receive a message one week from the salesperson they're dealing with, only to receive something entirely different from the marketing department the following week. At it's worst, it's irritating and confusing for the client. At it's best, by allowing marketing and sales to work separately, the organisation in question does not make the most of it's potential sales revenue.

The best scenario is that:  

1) Marketing departments recognise that they exist to serve the needs of the sales departments.

2) Both units need to work as one, without mutual contempt or suspicion and with the greatest of respect for each other's skills.

3) Because it's normally the salespeople who have direct contact with the prospects, they can offer invaluable insight to their marketing departments as to what would work best and how to create targeted and effective campaigns. For example, winning over a 'controller' buying personality requires a different approach from winning over a 'follower' buying personality and unless you have a sales team who can spot the difference and communicate that with marketing, you'll fail to deliver campaigns which are shaped to the unique needs of your buyers. 

Tip (for organisations large enough to have sales and marketing departments!):

Stop your sales and marketing departments from living the carefree, single life. Introduce them to one another and encourage them to get together. Get them to spend time with each other, to talk to each other, to trust and like each other ... and then step back and enjoy the incredible power of a happy union between sales and marketing.

Thanks for reading

I help businesses become more profitable by developing their people: 

Call me - 0121 420 3457 / 07760 444 946

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