How do you engage a group of repeat, youth offenders, so they enthusiastically participate in an anger management session, which they haven't chosen to attend and which they most definitely resent?
- Help them to answer a key question for themselves ... a question which determines whether they cooperate or not ... WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME?
As humans, we simply can't help it! If we're going to allow ourselves to be influenced by someone or something, we need to know how our life will be better once we've been influenced and even the most selfless people are never completely out of touch with their self interest.
Without the knowledge of 'what's in it for me?', we'll either choose not to cooperate, or in the very best case scenario, we may possibly explore things, but with our guard up (even if we like and trust the influencer). It may sound obvious and certainly most decent salespeople work hard to ensure that their buyers knows how their lives will be better if they make the purchase. But outside of sales, it's a thought which is often neglected when it's most needed.
Imagine:
- A dad hoping to encourage better behaviour from his child.
- A team leader trying to provoke a cultural change within the team
- A Managing Director trying to convince his/her board members of a new idea to exploit?
Real influence happens when the other person understands what's in it for them and it's up to the influencer to ask questions or communicate a vision, which creates this understanding. There are of course times when, whichever way you look at it, there really is nothing in it for the other person/people, but more often than not, it takes just a bit of creativity to re-frame the intended change so it's more attractive.
Example:
The repeat offenders who experienced my anger management session quickly developed their desire to learn more about anger management because I deliberately referred to it as something else.
Through a number of simple exercises and compelling stories at the very beginning of the session, they understood that if they learn how to influence people without resorting to anger/bullying tactics, they're more likely to:
- Get their own way more often in the things that matter to them
- Enjoy more success at work and in their relationships
- Experience more happiness in their lives
The words anger management were not mentioned at any point during the session. My approach answered their burning question (what's in it for me?) and established the session on a positive footing. As a result, their enthusiasm was infectious and the session went like a dream.
Influencing Tip:
If you hope to influence other people on a particular issue (adults or children), help them to first answer a key question ... What's in it for me?
Available now on iTunes & Amazon: The Impact Code - Unlocking Resilience, Productivity & Influence http://goo.gl/GLmB2R
Thanks for reading
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