When we're frustrated, fearful or overwhelmed, there's a real value in connecting with positive mantras, which comfort us, provide perspective and help us feel more peaceful. My top 6 mantras include five which I've made up for my own use and for my daughters, and one which I've shamelessly stolen from someone else but it still works well for me.
1) Focus on the things you can actually change whilst making peace with the things you can't change.
So this is clearly the stolen mantra!
There can be a point in fighting battles as the under-dog, particularly if the battle is important to you. But at the same time, it's wise to check whether making peace with someone/something is more intelligent and productive because the outcome could be beyond your control or influence. Furthermore, for the worriers out there (and I know how you feel because I used to be a chronic worrier), it's helpful to categorise your worries into 'worries you can influence', and 'worries you can't influence'. The second step is then to choose NOT to dwell on the things you can't influence whilst taking action to deal with the worries you can influence.
2) Ignore 'unfair' ... find the gems.
I made this up for my young daughter when she endured some particularly difficult circumstances in her life. We agreed together that life is brutally unfair, that it always has been and always will be, but within the darkness of 'unfair', there are sparkly gems which comfort us. Amazingly, the more you look for the sparkly gems, the more they sparkle and the more they light up the darkness, but the more you focus on the darkness, the less they sparkle until they completely disappear and you're left in total darkness. If you want to be happy, ignore 'unfair' ... find the gems.
3)
A) Change course when it's wise to do so.
B) Always move forward and avoid going round in circles.
C) Only look back in order to learn and celebrate but make sure you then turn around and look forward again.
I used to be a firm believer in 'never ever give up', until my tenacity caused me all kinds of problems by keeping me hanging onto completely lost causes, both in relationships and business. As any entrepreneur will tell you, persistence is a key component of becoming successful, but it's equally important to balance persistence with wisdom. So my above mantra (which I guess is inspired from the world of orienteering), comes in three parts and helps me to be both persistent and WISE.
4) The majority of our problems are minor and temporary inconveniences.
There's always someone worse off than we are, whether we're looking at our finances, business, relationships or health.
Most of us are incredibly blessed in our lives buy yet many of us choose to become incredibly stressed by the small things like being stuck in traffic, or not getting our own way at work, or when we're overwhelmed by our 'chores' … and then there's the bedroom our kids simply won't tidy, or the person who queue jumped us at the supermarket!
THE MAJORITY OF OUR PROBLEMS ARE MINOR AND TEMPORARY INCONVENIENCES.
Reminding myself of this helps me to chill out when I'm stuck in a traffic jam or being cut-up by someone else's poor driving skills … it also helps if I have Classic FM on the radio!
5) The only important question is … 'how do I do it better next time'?
My daughter recently came home from school, upset because she got a low mark on an essay she'd just completed. Thankfully, she knows me well enough to know that a) she wouldn't be in trouble with me, b) I wouldn't be interested in hearing about whether or not it was a fair mark or why her friend who wrote a shorter essay, got a better mark, c) My only interest would be to examine what specifically went wrong so she can do it better next time.
Whether you're second in a race, or you screw-up a business pitch, or struggle to achieve what you set out to achieve, there's no point in getting bogged down in who's fault it is, or self-pity and/or guilt, or whether it's fair or not … the only key question is 'how do I do it better next time'?
By focusing on this question, you free yourself from potential bitterness which ruins logical thinking and performance, and instead, you channel your thinking into a world of positive, self-improvement.
6) Wise generals pick their battles and live long lives, brave warriors fight all their battles and die young.
Too many people fight all the battles they face, which means they:
A) Get caught up in trivial fights, which drain their energy for the more important battles.
B) Fight battles which are not theirs to fight.
C) Don't take time to reflect on their strategy and how to improve it.
D) Lose track of the importance of timing and it's impact on a successful outcome.
E) Never choose to rest ... so they burn-out.
I'd rather be a wise general, considering and picking my battles, weighing up whether or not it's a trivial fight which should be avoided, or whether or not I have a fighting chance of winning, or whether or not it's morally right to fight, whether there's a more peaceful way to influence the outcome, and deliberately choosing to walk away from some battles whilst fighting others.
So those are my top 6 mantras - I'd love to hear what your top mantras are!
Thanks for reading - I help people achieve more in their lives by developing their resilience, influence and productivity.
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